*blankstare* ...Those fucking Mary Sues.

Look, Sue! You're so horrible that Caleb, a sex addict, doesn't even want you!

...Fuck. YES! In case you are wondering, I hate Mary Sues with a deep, deep passion of hatred and furry. BUT WAIT! How can someone hate a Sue?! They're so perfect and beautiful and canon guys just fall to their feet and announce their undying love for Sue! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. I bet you, however many dollars, that the creators of these "Uber Hot" canon guys [and canon girls] are sitting back, laughing their asses off at how stupid some Sues and their creators are.

MARY SUES/GARY STUS:

[Qualities]

ALL MARY SUES ARE JUST FUCKIN' WONDERFUL AT WHAT THEY DO. They master everything within extremely short amounts of time. And guess what else. IT'S ALWAYS ON THE FIRST TRY. Ever hear of trial and failure? Try, try again? Enough said.

Sue is the star- No doubt about it, you know who she is the minute she walks onto the scene. Every eye swivels to this instant belle of the ball, and she is the topic of conversation everywhere you go. When the majority of the characters spend their lives obsessed with the well-being and happiness of a single person.
[She can be a complete stranger and everyone somehow fuckin' knows who she is.]

Sue is lovable- Sue has an instant likability, an ability to create staunch friends and allies on the spot, and make the alliance so strong that said associates are eager to flock to her side should trouble arise that she needs help with [not that she can’t do it on her own; y'know, since Sue can do anything...]. This instantaneous likability is only natural; after all, the author likes her, and who can argue with that?
[Everyone just loves Sue! Ew. Gag me with a half melted spork.]

Sue is intelligent- Now. you know all Sue's are "SOOper Smartical" right? A 200-point IQ is not an unusual characteristic of a Mary Sue, as neither is multiple degrees in various fields [especially considering her typical youth] from highly respected schools. She is often a self-proclaimed expert in her particular field, and spends pages displaying a mind-blowing intellect to her astounded peers and superiors THAT JUST ADORE HER SO.
[Come on. Really? That doctor guy off of Fringe only has a 196-point IQ, and he's a super genius.]

Sue has an uber tragic past- *sobs* Yes, yes it's so true! I have not yet heard a particular story of a Sue's past that doesn't go like: "Oh, her parents were slaughtered in cold blood" or "She's was sexually assaulted at the age of nine" This is often merely an excuse to accentuate her uniqueness. "See, she's suffered so much, you HAVE to notice her." Sue has seen her parents tortured and gruesomely killed, lost a sibling in a tragic and unforseeable accident, survived a traumatic and near-fatal injury herself, or has been repeatedly--and unjustly--jilted by a lover or six, making her burned by love and thus appealing to her many male admirers.

Sue is unique- Oh ho, REALLY now? I could have sworn that over hundreds of Sues look almost the same. She has unusual hair, eyes, voice, abilities, accessories, taste in furniture, whatever--she is set apart from the others. A disturbing propensity for green eyes is a feature common to Mary Sue, as is a tendency towards unusual height [Sue is tall], ethnicity [Sue is exotic], and appearance [Mary Sue is dead sexy].
[Okay, retarded hair...check. Eyes like fuckin' hypnotoad...check. Slutty outfit...check. OH! And by the way! Almost ALL Sues show off their super sexy stomach that has no body fat what-so-ever.]

Sue is beautiful- Whether thin, curvaceous, exotic, girl-next-door...she's got the looks to make every male character within miles sit up and take notice. Of course, she more often than not scoffs at her alleged beauty, leading her friends and colleagues to remark, "Don't you know how beautiful you are?" That line alone reveals her true nature as a Mary Sue.
[I'd like to see more OCs like my own. Only two of my OCs actually have BOOBS. The other ones are almost flat chested...]

Sue is sexy- This is not the same as being beautiful, close, but not quite. Her sex appeal means that everywhere she goes, all the male characters seem to fall in her lap [sometimes literally, but as I was saying...]. She often has multiple men fighting for the privilege of holding her hand, which is why I am of the opinion that the majority of romance novels are merely a thinly disguised excuse for the authors to get their Mary Sue impulses out of their systems.
[I think Sues have an extremely high chance of having AIDS of some other kind of STD...I mean, they just get around so easily!]

Sue is talented- ALL MARY SUES SING. STFU! I don't want t listen to you sing Umbrella by Rhianna! Anyways, like I was saying; she sings, paints, weaves, speaks seventeen languages, and is lethal in a variety of martial arts. She invents new technology at the drop of a hat, can nearly read minds with her incredibly perceptive empathy, and absorbs information at the speed of light. Oftentimes she has seemingly supernatural "gifts" at her disposal.
[Only Chuck Norris can do all that, fucktards]

--

Now, it has also come that many Mary Sues actually corrupts relationships between two canon characters in order to be the significant other of the one she desires.

EXAMPLE: Cloud from Final Fantasy VII
Now, Cloud and Tifa, there's something defiantly going on there. Well, besides the fact that Cloud is still emoing over Aeris and Zack's death, but the fact that they live together. They raise two orphans together. They grew up together...do you get my point? BUT NO. Sue comes along. Steals smexy Cloud-kun from that "bitch" Tifa, or just makes him drift away from Tifa and to herself, then screws his brains out in the most sexually, desirable, exotic act of sex to ever exist. While, all along, Tifa is sitting downstairs, planning Sue's death. Which may involve a horse, a rope, and very sharp stick, some cottage cheese, and some fire.

[Which, by the way, I forgot to mention: SUES ARE MIND BLOWING AT SEX. Even if they have no idea of how to have sex, they leave their partner completely satisfied, they don't even bite!]

--

So to end this very long description of the dreadfully retarded nature of Mary Sues and Gary Stus, I'm asking you to please GET SOME FUCKING ORIGINALITY! Or help somebody contain originality! Either one of those two or just grow up.

Thank you for your time.

Caleb Taien © =chibitarded
Mary Sue © Sue has no copy right because she's too fucking awesome and I don't want her.
Base by ~pockypixels